Keep Hidden

I need to breathe. I find it more and more difficult as time goes by. I flip out at the simplest of things. I can't keep calm. I can't contain myself. At this point, I am not sure of how to handle such happenings. I can't handle them. I can't handle myself. I feel lost. I feel horribly lost and at times, defeated. 

There have been times that I have wondered what a cool blade would feel like as it were pressed against the warmth of my wrist. There have been times when I have held a blade in my hand, twirling it, unsure of my thoughts. I always stop. I realize that these thoughts need, if not for my friends, then for me, to be hidden. 

I feel myself slowly slipping away. I don't tell anybody. I don't want people to worry or think that I am crazy. I know I already think that I have lost my mind. I feel like I am just hiding from what is bound to happen eventually. I feel empty. I can't tell anyone. Even if I wanted to, I can't even find the words to explain, to ask for help. I can't tell anyone. They will worry. I can't let that happen. I want for people to be happy even if it means that I will not be.

Untitled 2

If she could stop time, she would,
Running in circles, fearing the world.
She doesn't understand,
How others will see her,
Even though they don't care,
She makes excuses.
She says they do.
The world crumbling around,
A misunderstanding in between,
Is just a pane of glass away,
And yet, they are separated,
By more, than war.

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How easily something can change
When given the chance
Time is only a state of mind
How easily it can be ripped away
Morphed into someone else's idea
What they want
If you don't look past time
You wont even notice
When given the chance
How easily something can change
If someone were to try

You

Words
I use them all the time
I never run out of words
I can always put together sentances
I feel myself begin to stumble
Unable to form a single word
It scares me
But I love it
I chase the heart punding sensation
Like a child on a roller coaster
Its scary, but I love it
I begin to craze the thrill
You are the one
The only one
That can pull the words
Right out of me
Taking them away
Leaving me speachless
Because all I can think of is
You

Words of Comfort

Writing
An escape route
As if to try
And spill everything
Even when you cannot speak
Trying to ask for help
Unable to speak
Retreating to the welcoming silence
Knowing that only words
Are there for comfort
To ease any bit of pain
That lingers on
And release the knowledge
Of what tears apart
Who you are
In the process

A Thousand Miles (Hide)

How long must I wait
For an eternity passes
Before I have returned
To your warm embrace
To the comforting face
Of the one I hold dear
How long must I wait
To tell you the truth
To make aware
That I am alone
Is that I only feel towards you
More than that of a 'bud'
I feel, towards you, love
A word I never liked
That I constantly strayed from
I never had admitted
I would never have told
That I have that feeling
I would have hid
I would have lied
Told everyone it's crazy
That love is pointless
While all along
This whole time
I felt it
More than anyone would know
More than I dare to tell
More than I can bear
I try to ignore
I try to hide
Without surprise
I am met with failures
Knowing that it's useless
I want to admit
But who would believe me
The one who dissed
The one who spoke against
The one who has done nothing
But lie about her feelings
Who would even care
For somebody who tried
As hard as she might
To erase the feeling
To become normal
Trying to ignore the torture
Of being so far away
A thousand miles
From who I want never to leave
From who I want to be mine
To call my love
The only one I want
To call love
My love

Falling Deeper

Reaching out

For anything

To grab hold

Of the reality

Trying to stay sane

Telling myself

Its true

Its real

Knowing deep inside

That it couldnt be true

Nothing could ever go so well

Breathe

With each painful breath that I take in

I can not help but think

How wonderful it would be

Without the pain

The constant need to breathe

Having no room

Clustered in an open space

Where nobody can understand

Update

 I know that I have not written in about a year or so but if all goes as planned I will start posting more poems more often. thank you for reading.

This is the day...

This is the day that you have returned
This day, you came back.
Telling me how you feel without words
Without saying anything, as your eyes and motions tell a story.
This is the day I wish I could say
What is on my mind.
This day, I have created a cage of my thoughts.
I have so much to say,
And no time to say it.
With fear that everything will restart,
That everything will disappear at the blink of an eye.
With fear that I will have lost without even beginning to fight.
That everything will just vanish at the thought of what could, or could not happen.

Newist in a while

It has been a while since I have posted anything since I have not had the ability (memory of a goldfish) to log in. I have remembered now, my password and email that I used so I can start posting again! :)

Gone

Its Painful

To live is torture

I'm practically dead already

Nothingness has consumed me

and nothing can save life

It is gone

Darkness is rising and nothingness is my new life

That will never be changed

It is unbreakable

Love has become meaningless because of a dark shadow that has become my biggest fear

Life along with that is losing its meaning

I am trapped alone in a crowded world sinking further into the unknown

I am broken and cannot be helped

I am dead and not even my family notices

Alone

Im alone

In this crowd full of people

Sifting through the stars that shine

Only to find a diamond in the rough

That will lead me to the world again

And introduce me to the light in which I have been avoiding

For far too long

books-from 7th grade...

One million or more

There are more books

More than I will ever be able to read.

They take us

They take you,

To a new world

A world unknown to maps

A new world for every book

Every book turns a page

Every page is a minute

Every minute is something new

Excitement, mystery, sci-fi.

There are many choices,

Fiction, nonfiction, adventure,

Horror, comedy, poems…

What kind to choose?

What kind do you read?

Which adventure you choose

Will be important when you begin

Scar

A scar was left

On my heart

 When sad times came.

As we cried,

 A scar was formed.

Right there,

On my heart

When he passed,

A scar was formed.

My heart was not the same.

We cried,

And scars came,

On our hearts,

On that day;

When he passed away…

Growing up

1.    Baby

We start as a baby

Young

Brand new

We don’t know anything

Not yet

We cry to get what we need and what we want

We cry out in boredom

When we are uncomfortable

We cry

2.   kid to teen

As a kid you have stages

The talkative stage

And the questions all the time stage

As a teen

You are almost there almost an adult

You talk more

And play less

Some teens go through rebellion

Drama

And where you just don’t know what to do

What’s next?

3.   Adult

We are grown

Changed, different

We are matured

No longer in school

Working

Making tough decisions

Right and wrong

Being who we are and trying to stay strong

everything ends

Everything has an end.

Books, movies, life.

                        Beginning,

                              Middle,

                                    End.

What’s next?

After the end,

What happens?

Why?

Why does everything end?

There is more than one book,

But still…

There is only one life.

We shouldn’t waste life,

Because there is no sequel…