Keep Hidden

I need to breathe. I find it more and more difficult as time goes by. I flip out at the simplest of things. I can't keep calm. I can't contain myself. At this point, I am not sure of how to handle such happenings. I can't handle them. I can't handle myself. I feel lost. I feel horribly lost and at times, defeated. 

There have been times that I have wondered what a cool blade would feel like as it were pressed against the warmth of my wrist. There have been times when I have held a blade in my hand, twirling it, unsure of my thoughts. I always stop. I realize that these thoughts need, if not for my friends, then for me, to be hidden. 

I feel myself slowly slipping away. I don't tell anybody. I don't want people to worry or think that I am crazy. I know I already think that I have lost my mind. I feel like I am just hiding from what is bound to happen eventually. I feel empty. I can't tell anyone. Even if I wanted to, I can't even find the words to explain, to ask for help. I can't tell anyone. They will worry. I can't let that happen. I want for people to be happy even if it means that I will not be.