Keep Hidden

I need to breathe. I find it more and more difficult as time goes by. I flip out at the simplest of things. I can't keep calm. I can't contain myself. At this point, I am not sure of how to handle such happenings. I can't handle them. I can't handle myself. I feel lost. I feel horribly lost and at times, defeated. 

There have been times that I have wondered what a cool blade would feel like as it were pressed against the warmth of my wrist. There have been times when I have held a blade in my hand, twirling it, unsure of my thoughts. I always stop. I realize that these thoughts need, if not for my friends, then for me, to be hidden. 

I feel myself slowly slipping away. I don't tell anybody. I don't want people to worry or think that I am crazy. I know I already think that I have lost my mind. I feel like I am just hiding from what is bound to happen eventually. I feel empty. I can't tell anyone. Even if I wanted to, I can't even find the words to explain, to ask for help. I can't tell anyone. They will worry. I can't let that happen. I want for people to be happy even if it means that I will not be.

Untitled 2

If she could stop time, she would,
Running in circles, fearing the world.
She doesn't understand,
How others will see her,
Even though they don't care,
She makes excuses.
She says they do.
The world crumbling around,
A misunderstanding in between,
Is just a pane of glass away,
And yet, they are separated,
By more, than war.

Untitled 1

How easily something can change
When given the chance
Time is only a state of mind
How easily it can be ripped away
Morphed into someone else's idea
What they want
If you don't look past time
You wont even notice
When given the chance
How easily something can change
If someone were to try

You

Words
I use them all the time
I never run out of words
I can always put together sentances
I feel myself begin to stumble
Unable to form a single word
It scares me
But I love it
I chase the heart punding sensation
Like a child on a roller coaster
Its scary, but I love it
I begin to craze the thrill
You are the one
The only one
That can pull the words
Right out of me
Taking them away
Leaving me speachless
Because all I can think of is
You

Words of Comfort

Writing
An escape route
As if to try
And spill everything
Even when you cannot speak
Trying to ask for help
Unable to speak
Retreating to the welcoming silence
Knowing that only words
Are there for comfort
To ease any bit of pain
That lingers on
And release the knowledge
Of what tears apart
Who you are
In the process

A Thousand Miles (Hide)

How long must I wait
For an eternity passes
Before I have returned
To your warm embrace
To the comforting face
Of the one I hold dear
How long must I wait
To tell you the truth
To make aware
That I am alone
Is that I only feel towards you
More than that of a 'bud'
I feel, towards you, love
A word I never liked
That I constantly strayed from
I never had admitted
I would never have told
That I have that feeling
I would have hid
I would have lied
Told everyone it's crazy
That love is pointless
While all along
This whole time
I felt it
More than anyone would know
More than I dare to tell
More than I can bear
I try to ignore
I try to hide
Without surprise
I am met with failures
Knowing that it's useless
I want to admit
But who would believe me
The one who dissed
The one who spoke against
The one who has done nothing
But lie about her feelings
Who would even care
For somebody who tried
As hard as she might
To erase the feeling
To become normal
Trying to ignore the torture
Of being so far away
A thousand miles
From who I want never to leave
From who I want to be mine
To call my love
The only one I want
To call love
My love

Falling Deeper

Reaching out

For anything

To grab hold

Of the reality

Trying to stay sane

Telling myself

Its true

Its real

Knowing deep inside

That it couldnt be true

Nothing could ever go so well